Smirnoff – Turnoff

I think July is a hot month for me. Not because it’s my birthday which had passed 2 weeks ago. It was hot cos there are more than 10 idiots who pissed me off and turned me off to the max! Yesterday there were 3 idiots who turned me off. 1 of them turned me off early morning while I was rushing to work, waiting for a cab. The story goes like this…

I woke up late as usual. I rushed and waited for a bloody cab or a bloody sbs 811 bus to turn up! While waiting with grumpy face, I heard someone calling me as if I am a bird! I don’t what’s the actual word for it but let me describe to you. I am sure that you all know only MATS & MINAHREPS, AH LIANS & AH BENGS, The Mamas and their black chix who loves to gendang the table like tabla under the void decks like as if it’s a bhangra night; they all love to ’swit’ at people when they want to call somebody. With their lips, they ‘feewitt‘ or ’suuweet’ here and there. Ok whatever lah! But I hope you all get what I am trying to describe. Hahaha! It’s the wolf call lah. Back to my story.

Someone ’swit’ at me, I am damn particular when comes to this, especially in the morning behaving like Kanina! I was about to turn my head and show a middle finger at that someone. Then I am shocked to see my ex schoolmate whom I ever quarrelled when I was 17. Ok so he is the idiot who ’swit’ at me and the idiot name is Razak.

Idiot: Eh Hi, you still live this area? You remember me or not?

Me: Yes I do remember you. *Forced Smile*

Idiot: You going to work?

(DUH!!!!! Stupid question!)

Me: Ya.

Idiot: I forgot your name lah. What’s your name?

Me: *With my turnoff-grumpy-still maintaining face* Huh? Yanni lah.

Idiot: *Giggling* Oh ya, yanni! You got contact number?

(Ok that’s funny to you lah… Whatever…)

Me: *Hesitating* (Missed a cab in the same time!) Errrmmm, ok take down. It’s 9 0.0.0.0.0.0.0. Ok lah bye I got to go.

Idiot: Ok Yanni, take care. (He went back to his ugly van with a p-plate and passengers. Not that I looked down on him but his attitude sucks. Read on if you want to know why.)

5 minutes later… Idiot smsed me.

Idiot: Hi Yani, this is me razak. You married or normal attached now?

(My heart says: Eh what the fark! why this question in your 1st sms! we are like only ex schoolmates. and what’s up with “NORMAL ATTACHED”? Got such thing ah? If abnormal, then what?! Chee bye – That’s a Turn off Number 1! )

Me: Ok, I’m not married yet. Still got long way to go. I am attached. U?

Idiot: Am single, running my own company. Today I am going to Bangkok.

(My heart if can want to scream but too bad I was alone in the public: Oh really with a disgusted face, I never ask you also. I asked you about your status and not what you are doing! Chee bye – That’s a Turn off Number 2! But I still maintained ok.)

Me: Oh ok. Have a safe journey then.

Idiot: Thanks, I will get back to you k. Oh ya don’t think negative towards me k. Just making friends with you again. Cya!

(My heart says: Duh! We are ex schoolmates! And we are “NORMAL FRIENDS”! Ok fine, let’s not think negative then!)

Me: Don’t worry. I won’t have any negative thoughts about you. What’s past is past. We all should look forward. Not good to bear grudges. Yup, friends. Better than enemies or pretending to be strangers.

Idiot: Ya Thanks! Hope you know how Businessman think.. Bye yanni, I got to do a lot of hangover today.. : )

(My heart says: NINABEI PUA CHEE BYE! What the fark was he trying to prove? What the fark was he thinking! Why so arrogant?! Hangover? WTF! Hangover or hand over? Eh alamak, I cannot take it already. I must tell him off! I am already at my lowest and get angry easily for the past few weeks. Plus he smsed me like one farking ya ya! TURN OFF NUMBER 3. Biggest Turnoff!)

Me:

It doesn’t matter what each and every humans are doing. Be it self employed, employed or unemployed. What matters most is the individual characteristics and mindset. Being Humble is the most important thing. To me, nothing last forever. No offence, but our race love to exaggerate themselves too much just to impress others. Anyway we are just ex schoolmates. Not friends to start with. I am not the barbarians who think unwisely about other people with no rhyme or reason. Ok, I got to go. All the best.

(If can I want to sms more. I want to say oh business man, OMG you are such a good catch lah, you going to bangkok, wow sounds like paris or italy to me. you drive that van, wow like BMW lah to me. FARK! TURN OFF TURN OFF TURN OFF!!!!)

10 minutes later… I bet he was shocked by my sms and was thinking what to reply me back.

Idiot again: Humble609@hotmail.com

(OK! Was that being sarcastic? Or was that to prove that he is humble and he did have an email account with that humble word!?)

I was typing this out – cant_be_bothered@hotmail.com. Then I decided not to entertain idiots. I was sleepy; I want to take a nap! But I couldn’t! Chee Bye, if that idiot ever sms me again. He will get it from me! I regretted for giving my number just to get rid of him while waiting. I thought since our argument was eons ago, just don’t be boastful and be nice. Anyway, no harm what.. But nevermind, I know how to handle idiots like this ya ya business man, chipmunks, shrek, molly, tamalek, nyonya retro acne face, bangau (flamingo)…